my twisted thots*

skxawng

2009-12-22T02:25:51Z

its not easy
its like im building a wall between me and the rest of the world
and i cannot stop it
its too late.

but building this wall
it makes life much easier
to let people see what im not and what im pretending to be
so that they do not see the scars within
so that they do not see the weakling that lives within me

truth is
im not as brave as they think
im not as cheerful as i seem
im really just hollow

its a f**ked up feeling
and honestly, i dont know if
i can put up with this any longer

theres a lot of reasons to this feeling
and i cannot fathom these reasons
and maybe because of this,
shit happens.

i just wonder.
what is it that makes me feel empty
what happens when this wall gets destroyed
what happens to me

Missing you...

2009-12-13T09:17:33Z

6 days spent in Bali was amazing..
ive never felt so safe.. so comfortable..so relaxed...
~~(minus my mom & dad's nagging)~~
i think it was the best holiday ever and i would really love to go back and i honestly felt sad to return to singapore..
im still in bali mode so yeah i do feel a bit different frm my usual self..its gonna take some time to get myself
back to singapore mode...grrr
anyhoo...
things i did are of course shopping(ripcurl n billabong n volcom had BIG sales omg)
i spent a LOT of money on clothes, bags, shoes and accessories...AWEsome
besides that i went to the beautiful tanah lot...saw the many puras there..the bedugul
and many others that were really breathtaking
i esp loved the kechak
it was like a fusion of beatboxing and dikir barat done in a traditional way
i stayed like 3mins away from the beach so in the morning i took walks there both in the morning and night and the people there
are really nice...
braided my hair...the quality isnt tt good cos i chose the 50 000 rupiah one and not the 150 000rupiah so it makes qt a big difference..
but the people who braided my hair were great to us..i do regret not taking a photo with them...but i shall look out for them the next time i come(i noe their names at least)
even abg zaki braided his hair but i wud prefer it dreadlocked cuz seriously...his hair too short lah..
but well...its an experience for him as well as me
i have honed my bargaining skills as well...
and a full body massage really made my holiday because after bending ur back to cut cardboards for models its really tiring
and to hear the numerous cracks from my spine, it was like suddenly i could breakdance or sumtin
haha
ok that said...i WANA GO AGAIN!!!!!!!
and i'll have longer hair to braid....heh

i have been Glee-fied

2009-11-27T10:55:58Z

First off....Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all the muslims in the world!!

Today was so-so..
abandoned my nm2216 today and will plan to leave it chucked to a corner on my table
until well.....tomorrow...

Interestingly...i got an sms from an friend-turned-acquaintance seeking forgiveness from me on this day
which was weird bcos i thot we only do that on hari raya aidilfitri
but still....we can ask for forgiveness anytime
so wat intrigued me most is that he actually realised that he is in the wrong
i never thought he would put his ego aside and own up his mistake

and actually, long have i forgiven him but decided not to mix around with him
in case i get all self-conscious and hate myself again because i vowed never to let
him or anyone for that matter, to do that to me
so since he has apologised, i'll try to be nice to him nx time.
hopefully he wont be mean like before.

and for the whole day, (im moving away from the above topic now)
i watched Glee online for the WHOLE DAY.shit.im on holiday mood.
..and later tonight im gonna start on Vampire Diaries..
the evil brother looks familiar but i cannot recall where he is from. any idea?

BUT tomorrow will be study day wit Sya so no more online stuff til after monday

so...cheerios!!

life is full of disappointment

2009-09-28T05:02:29Z

Sunday

it was a day i regretted going out.
words could not explain the fire burning in my heart
when the people i love get hurt by a tactless bloke

i dont mean to be rude.
i know im pushing the limits by writing these words
but then again the boundaries are a blur right now.

i'll let it be for now.
my apathetic mask will be worn until it wears out.

"Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error"
-Marcus Tullius Cicero

complain,complain....and selamat hari raya

2009-09-19T04:02:47Z

so we had our crit last thursday.
i presented. and no it did not go well
somehow maria and sei hwa found our program a lil too private for the site
no relation
why cant it be public?
maria: i stay there and i feel that it is a public site

she gave lots of comments wic we feel were subjective
and both the critters gave comments that were mostly suitable for urban, not technology-wic was our focus
so yeah.they spent the whole time talking abt our program but didt even bother to look at our design, whether it fits nicely with the program
if thats the case, we might as well spend the whole 4 wks working on choosing a program ryte?
hmph
and one thing i hate abt them is that they laugh(loudly) while we r presenting.
not even listening to us..just being rude, talking abt some silly jokes.
wat r they, primary sch kids??
i guess when u get older, u think only u hev to be respected and not the other way
but seriously, to be respected, first u must respect others,even if they are younger than u.
and finally, maria keeps twisting and playing with her hair which is absolutely distracting!
im worried how the melaka trip nx wk will turn out. and my p2

but wells...
SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL MY MUSLIM FRIENDS!!!
(i'll try to be happy on that day)

damn u school.

2009-09-11T14:38:26Z

school is not letting me rest.
have been having migraines because of school
and i am BROKE...like..really.. esp since my tutee keeps cancelling her tuition and
i have been buying model materials like tap water.
and guess wat. no raya for me either.
no holidays either.
and people around me are bugging me.
im just gonna hope the melaka trip wont be so bad.
i'll bring raya cookies so i wont feel so sad.and my hard disk too.
so tt we can watch a chosen movie out of the almost 100 movies i have.
blergh.

good things tho:
i am happy with the group design..
its working out just the way i want it to be.
for the first time,i got to be the architect.yay.

you will be OHkay.

2009-09-02T00:26:59Z

its worse!!!

im definitely bringing her to the vet.
its not those normal skin infections that will go away i think
im skipping lecture this morning to bring her to see the vet
WITH my mom's permission
thankgoodness.

i hope its not the case where the fly lay eggs and the larva goes under her skin
why do i think this?
because theres hole on her skin and it looks hollow inside so that maybe the breathing
tube for the larva
but honestly, i dunno how she would hev got tt since she doesnt go out
and i dont see no flies anywhere.

everybody do help me pray its just a minor skin infection
lets hope she doesnt need surgery or hospitalisation(since i hev no money tt would be a big problem)
hmm.

for the record, i love her.

let there be no worms.

2009-08-30T01:45:42Z

i am getting very worried.
first, she started having diarrhoea
then she cant shit properly-as in she couldnt squat down like how she normally does to do her business
and then today, she sat on my bed and there was blood stains on my bedsheets
so i checked her.

and then theres this HUGE wound just beside her asshole
i dunno where she got it..
she cant scratch there, theres no fleas, she didnt go out and get hurt
oh pls dun let it be worms.
i'd hate that.
imagine worms eating the flesh of your baby
not good.

i hope(and pray) after the anti-bacterial powder i've put there,
and a lot of transfer factor powder ive given her to lick,
she'll be okay.

im starting to recall the seminar i had with winston(the lecturer)
im beginning to despise him.(cat-related)

the month when all devils get chained

2009-08-23T04:37:56Z

hmm. its been two days of fasting!!
and im doing A-okayyyyy...
but it means 1 month of abstaining from Mac breakfast...
so i'll just miss that.

today, obviously is a sunday..
and i am spending my time in sch doing models for tml's presentation
my tutor's not coming but the cheeky guy informed prof see abt it.
so she's gonna come take a look.

ever since tropical aki im trying to get back to my hardworking mode
cause i dont want the situation to repeat itself.
and so, i havent slept well for the past nights.
even when last night's weather was so wonderful!!!!
me love rain.

and while on the way here,
i took 33 from bras basah and i carried 3 greyboards and a styrofoam board
and when i sat down, i kinda held it to my side so as not to block anyone
and it did block like half of the seat in front of me but hey, u wana sit, i'll just open the door
but this old lady she sat there and then acted as if the art friend package was
had a disease.
it wasnt even touching her!!
haiz...why do such ppl exist? it kinda ruined my day when she
decided to change seats(i wouldnt mind so much) and then glanced back at me
and rolled her eyes!!!!(THIS I MIND)
wat did she expect me to do? hang the thing on the side of the bus?!
hmm..considering i am fasting, i will not bitch.hahs.

anyhoo.
happy ramadhan to everyone!!!
and eh. no such thing as half-day puasa anymore eh.

2 weeks later...

2009-08-20T01:06:07Z

Its been 2 weeks in sch..
and so far so good.
except the day i saw a kingfisher slam a sparrow and flew away while the sparrow bled profusely,,
HIT N RUN i tell you...
i think the stress will come soon..
at least its groupwork, although there are some cons at that..
AND
i went back home late at night yesterday and fell asleep on the train
guess who came along and sit opposite me?!
OMG i hope my mouth didnt open too big or anything
wen i opened my eyes i got a shock..haha
but no..its not a celebrity.just to make it clear.
and at least he didnt make fun of me.
AND
i recently heard songs by St Vincent
one word: AWESOME
AND
the korean Sorry Sorry song is stuck in my head.
and now that Chris keeps dancing the sorry sorry move everytime he sees me,
its even more stuck!!!

oh and one more thing...i love honey stars!.....(who doesnt?)

my kind of National Day..

2009-08-09T15:36:10Z

eve of National Day:

driving to johor in the night time

National Day:

watching pirated movies down at Damansara
shopping at Tesco
driving back home
and saying the pledge proudly with my family,in the car,with our hands all ready(except the driver of course),while leaving Malaysia..

hahas.awesome.

Honey Bee

2009-08-05T03:44:11Z

I am a honey bee
Shown out from the colony
And they won’t let me in
So I left the hive
They took away all my stripes
And broke off both my wings
So I’ll find another tree
And make the wind my friend
I’ll just sing with the birds
They’ll tell me secrets off the mark

But my other honey bee
Stuck where he doesn’t wanna be
Oh my darling honey bee
I’ll come save you
Even if it means I’ll have to face the queen

So I’ll come prepared
My new friends say they would help me
Get my loved one back
They say it isn’t right
The bees have control of your mind
But I choose not to believe that
So we’ll meet in the darkness of the night
And I’ll promise I will be there on time
We’ll be guided by my new friends the butterflies
Bring us back to our own little hive

Oh my other honey bee
No longer stuck where he doesn’t wanna be
Oh my darling honey bee
I have saved you
And now that you’re with me
We can make our own honey

twisted_thots @ 2008-11-14T20:28:00

2008-11-14T12:34:53Z

Final crit of the semester is O-V-E-R!!
not too bad...
they said model was nice
altho could have shown the program and maybe a more varied degrees for the obstacles
....

that aside, i was invited to an event on facebook that i totally DIG
but couldnt go coz im gg to msia....
sadly

so its this event where we go to a spot and then they brief us on wat to do
so wat we were suppose to do was syncronise our watches and then every 5 mins there is spose to be different acts to be done.
eg. first 5 mins--shop slow-mo
next 5mins--shop normally
next 5mins--freeze on the spot
and so on...
shit i wana do tt
but too bad....i hope they make another one
love love.yes yes.

twisted_thots @ 2008-09-25T20:00:00

2008-09-25T12:13:24Z

bummer.
i forgot to take photo of the structure b4 the hols
we did camwhore but it wasnt my cam.sadly.

anws.
i finished reading rich dad poor dad.
it gave me a lil bit of insight on investments
and yeah i wana be on the right side of the quadrant

funny how ppl have a very wrong attitude towards investing.
im looking forward to it. i think i shud add more money to my fundsupermart and maybe for now i should just increase my financial IQ first..

heres a lil story..

i was with a couple of friends at the esplanade lib for some discussion
and we had some free time so i kind of went to the internet to check out other
books of rich dad poor dad. while doing so, i downloaded a free chapter from the book " increase your financial IQ"
and as i was reading it, one of my friends had this reaction..
"whuuut??"
in that whiney way..

well, i guess that is what poor people will say.
i smiled to myself thinking, if she only knew how her future might be if she had that attitude...
me...im thinking..millionaire before 30...that's my aim for now..

moving on.....

went to ridout park for a meet with the studio and our tutor today
he gave us an interesting assignment for the hols to be done by mon..
he also said sumthing abt visiting our site on monday..
best thing is..we are all gonna jog there together..
haha..he is one fun tutor...
and i found out that our presentation for the sust module that was supposedly to be carried out on 1 oct has been changed to tuesday night!! meaning i cant help cook rendang and ketupat!!!!
suckers.
im never gonna forgive them.(ie PK, Bhot, and the rest of the TAs)

twisted_thots @ 2008-09-17T08:00:00

2008-09-17T00:01:07Z

we did it
its B-E-A-U-tiful
i love love it
im gonna take a photo of it n place it here...
soon..

one week later....

2008-09-16T13:17:20Z

soon. it will be over.
and the holidays will be here.
and we can rejoice.
before we go back to torture a week later.
well. at least there will be no more sawdust.

and studio 12. the theme for our clothes on thu will be: "nature"

thursday night fever

2008-09-10T19:24:58Z

Its 3.28 am
Just took a bath and now getting ready to sleep!!!!!
finally after measuring almost all the plywood
we decided to continue tml
awesome news for me since i was getting a bit too high..
a bit dangerous.
so yes..i just ate banana nut crunch too since ive been craving for it ever since the whole studio ate it in front of me while i was fasting
and i will wake up for sahur..hmm approx abt 5am
and eat my mutton briyani!!!!
woohoo...
life is good when u can get sleep...

twisted_thots @ 2008-09-09T11:19:00

2008-09-09T03:26:28Z

its time.
this wk will be the most hectic week.
plywood to cut, chisel, sand and fix together
aah but im excited to see the result
hopefully it can stand

and i made a visit to the Church of the Holy Cross
it was so modern that i felt that it was a little boring.
i kinda wished it was more gothic or sumtin like that but well,
we cant really find that type of architecture in singapore

yesterday i came back late and oh dear
so many of them arnd
and worse thing is,
while i was walking to my house from the mrt station,
one guy was pee-ing at the pathway
and when he saw me he just rotated 90 degrees so that his thingy wont b
visible when i walk past
as he still continues peeing
disgusted i was.

and i miss home
loads
my home feels like my 2nd home now
studio is my 1st and i hate that

i miss labu too.

misses

2008-08-31T02:39:29Z

i miss my mum.
i miss my dad.
i miss my dearest.(cat)
i miss my bed.
i miss my chair.
i miss my tv.
i miss my sleep.
i miss my fridge.
i miss my wall.
i miss so many things.
being in sch 24/7 sucks the shit out of me.

something is tearing me down..and down....

2008-08-27T19:35:02Z

urgh.im hating this.

i wish i could control people's mind.

anws.
peeps.
for Hari raya this year my aunt is selling potato chips of many diff flavors
1)original
2)Bbq
3)Chilli
4)Black pepper
5)Salsa
6)Sour cream
$30 per tin inclusive of delivery!!
its those big tins btw..
Orders can be made from now til sept 15th
If you want to be able to choose your flavor u betta order fast....
Sms me ur name and number for orders or enquiries...

i need a favour!

2008-08-20T02:18:52Z

Aaah.
I need money to pay for macbook's repair.
so please..
for those who know of anybody who needs tuition or any part-time job,
PLEASE INFORM ME!!!!
I can teach pri-all subj except chinese..duH
and sec- just maths

THank you....
And just in case...my number is 98476373.

Pain. If only it did not exist.

2008-08-13T10:30:57Z

ok...so theres no sch today.
but i had to go cgh for my important checkup.
results were out and well....not so good so dearest doc gave me 3 choices:
1) Leave it at that and come back again in 6 mths
2) Inject a sample and test it to check if its _____ (i dont even wana say tt word)
3) Or undergo the op again and it may or may not return.

so i opt for the 2nd choice
and whoah did i scream. thank gdness my doc was nice. she talked to me throughout the whole thing.
im glad i didnt cry tho but well, that was THE most painful injection i ever had.
but if my mum followed i bet she wud make me cry becoz she will cry 1st...

haha i make it sound lyk im pregnant and wana get an abortion or sumtin.
not to worry. i dont do such stuff.
heh.

okays..back to work on my plywood which im suppose to romance with by next mon...

first class

2008-08-11T06:30:07Z

Its the first day of year 2 sem 1 today.
hmm. so far so good.
have not met my tutor for design yet.
all i noe is that he has long hair.
yippee.
huh??
ok there he just entered the lect room.
haahaha.
anyhoos...i get to sit with weehao rong2 lyn and gerhpy in the studio.
thats awesome news people.
it means im not alone!!!!!
yay...can cut our fingers together.
eek.sadist.
ok ciao. t-suto giving our assignments alr. ON THE FIRST DAY!!

twisted_thots @ 2008-07-23T19:13:00

2008-07-23T11:17:45Z

ive been quite a bad girl lately.
to everyone.
im worried my tempers will get worse when sch starts.
and now i think im getting my karma.bad karma.
im gonna go see a doc sometime next week.
i hope it turns out to be nothing.
because if it is something.
there goes my passion for cycling.

Thank yous

2008-07-14T09:38:03Z

ok so little time so much to do
BUT i still find time to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday in one way or another!
i really appreciate it and if i forget to say thank you, this is it!!
THANKS loads!!!
especially to my family, my tj peeps:iman,ain,nad,nad,ali...my wrighteous peeps: seehong, faith, steph...
my aki peeps: gerhpy, rong, dom, yazid, sya..o/r peeps: ily, audrey, wenny, jo, shaz, zuraimi...

there...now i can rest in peace....